I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
