Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
