At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need to calm my uterus...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
