the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
