just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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