If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
