I puked a lego.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
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