my phone needs a breathalizer
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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