fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
