I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Is it penis luge time yet?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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