Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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