you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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