It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
