she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
