You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
