My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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