I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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