thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
