Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
