we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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