A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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