Non-Jews are for practice
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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