we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
whose ass print is on the piano?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
