So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize