uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
