Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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