It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
