i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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