I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
