you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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