your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
