I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
