She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
