i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
