just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
