Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
