Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
