I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
