last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
