you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
