i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
