She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
