lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
