i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
