? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
