your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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