Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
