I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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