Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
