I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
