Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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