i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
