this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
