Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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