ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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