Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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