chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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