I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
