Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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