nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
