I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
