No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
