John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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