I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
no, he came in my armpit
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
