got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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